Sunday, June 10, 2007

I Started To Draft a Response, but You Know?

We all have our limits. I've reached mine:

I don't know whether you're actually a conservative and a provocateur, but if you were, I'd expect you to be doing exactly as you have been doing.

You know, I've kind of been waiting for someone to just come out and say it, so I could say this:

Fuck you.

And tell me: Where in your playbook does the provocateur who runs no BlogAds; owns no CafePress store; posts no Wishlist; has never made one thin dime from blogging; is not a graduate student living off some combination of loans, grants, and dear old Mom and Dad; earned a paltry $19,000 before taxes last year; wastes way too much of her fucking time on this worthless gig that doesn't pay; is NEVER getting a book deal or a spot on CNN or any little piece of the so-called blogging dream--in what part of your playbook does that so-handsomely compensated double agent for the Republican party just up and fucking quit?

This part. That's what part.

Ah! But of course . . . if I were being compensated by the government . . . I wouldn't need any outside sources of income! Well, you're too clever for me, Rich Puchalsky. If I weren't so fond of it myself, I'd send you a paperback copy of The 70 Greatest Conspiracies of All Time. No, no--you've earned it.

UPDATE: I want to be done with this.

But now that you're being a shit to my friends, Mr. Puchalsky, I think it's time I reminded you of a key point you've conveniently forgotten:

Scott Eric Kaufman wasn't dragged into this. He leapt into it, head first.

No one asked him for backup. No one invited his input. He wasn't dragged. Not by me, not by anyone else. Are we clear on that, poochie?

To continue: When Scott got a ration of undeserved shit on his head from a stellar member of the General's army, I thought, "This is not right."

Because it isn't. What Scott's going through right now isn't right. He didn't deserve it, and it's a just plain ugly thing for his harasser to do, and it's ugly of patriotboy to enable it.

So I tried to cheer Scott up with a bitter joke.

You misinterpreted it, perhaps because you're a humorless asshole. I'm not sure. I don't know you from a hole in the ground, which is why I hesitate to make assumptions about you. Would that you were similarly courteous in your treatment of me.

But you weren't, and you aren't.

And now you're extending your smug know-nothing shittiness to people who called you out for what you said of me. People I consider friends.

And you keep linking to this blog, this blog which I would very much like to go dead. I didn't delete it only because I don't want to inconvenience the people who still have links in to it. One person has a link to one of my posts in her site's FAQ; I don't think she should be put out because you won't quit behaving like a child.

So I'm asking you to quit behaving like a child. Put a sock in it, fuckface.

Now as for some of the rest of you:

You who really loved it when I'd jump into some comment or blog war to take up for you, to get your back, but who are now suddenly fatigued with "all this fighting?" There's an easy way to prevent most of it, and it's not even "just admit that I'm right," although let's be honest, I wouldn't be against you doing that, either.

No, it's even simpler than that. Let me give you a tip from The Provocateur's Handbook. I've got it right here, and it contains this handy bit of advice that I remember well from my days as a so-called warblogger:


Do you notice that you don't see as many internecine disputes over on the right side of blogosphere?

"Oh, yes!" says some pompous prick. "That's because fascism doesn't allow for the intricate complexities and nuances of--"

Excuse me, I have to be fascist myself for a minute: WRONG. Or rather, you're only half-right, no pun intended.

But you weren't over there and I was, so let me tell you something: If you think there's no internecine warfare on the right, you're dumb as toast. Disputes happen. Nasty disputes happen. Nasty, horrible, savagely bloody disputes happen. But privately.

I have to be honest, I don't blame the right-wing bloggers for laughing their asses off at you right now. Fragging your own is stupid. A lot of you seem determined to get your doctoral degrees in exactly this kind of stupid.

And I could deal with this, except for the part where you then turn around and blame your supporters and (especially) your detractors for "prolonging" or "spreading" or "intensifying" it.

What the hell did you expect, genius? You made it public in the first place. Did you do that so that none would read or remark upon it? Do you even know how the internet works?

To hell with you.

*i.e., when someone posts about how ableist it was of me to use the word "spastic." EMAIL, STUPID. Take it to email, so I can mark it as spam.