Sunday, June 10, 2007

Right Then

I just blew up at somebody over at Feministe. Well, it was a partial blow-up, actually, because I deleted the first version, the nuclear one. But it was still too much.

So this is all I am going to say about recent events:

I am not happy Steve Gilliard is dead. His death was shattering to many people I respect and admire; I can only imagine how it must be for his family and for those who were really close to him.

I am not happy that people I respect and admire are feeling torn up.

I am REALLY not happy that I contributed to amplifying some of those feelings. That, I am extremely sorry about. That was never my intent, but as I think we all know, intent only gets you so far in this life. The fact is, some things I have said have people who were already feeling bad feeling worse. My intentions don't alter that fact.

Unlike Aunt B., I am not going to apologize for calling sexism where I continue to see sexism. Don't look for Jesus' General to appear on the blogroll any time soon, or in fact ever. Far as I'm concerned, that guy's still a douchebag, and a douchebag with too much power and too little maturity to boot. That's a bad combination right there.

But I am going to apologize for not having backed off sooner from recent discussions. There comes a point in these conversations when the discussion isn't going anywhere productive, when I know in fact it is no longer capable of going anywhere productive, when I say to myself, "There's really no point anymore"--and it's when I pass that mark, when I have that awareness of how it's going and yet, I keep going anyway, that I say things I regret.

I still think the person to whom I responded was running her mouth in a way she shouldn't have been. I definitely think--no, I know--that she made false assumptions about how I'm feeling about all this. I continue to find that insulting.

But I'm fucking merciless when I'm angry, and I don't like that. For every time my ability to cut people off at the knees verbally comes in handy, there are nine other times it just makes things worse. This was probably one of those times.

For that, I am sorry.