--but I just realized, I have to go to one Saturday, and I don't even like the woman getting married. Life is cruel.
So anyway: Pantsuits--completely not acceptable wedding attire? Sometimes acceptable wedding attire? I'm pretty sure you're all going to tell me they are never okay, which means I am going to have to buy a dress, which is going to make me cry. And yes, I can make a melodramatic production out of ANYTHING. Why do you ask?
Speaking of weddings, all I have to say to this is, I never liked when fundamentalists on the right wanted to butt into your personal business and make everything about their politcs, and I don't like it when someone takes a simple request for wedding suggestions and turns it into "should you even be getting married as long as that right is reserved to heterosexual couples?" Jiminy Christmas, SHUT UP. Let a woman get hitched without it being A Thing for just once. Not everything needs to be a motherfucking action item.
Of course, you're free to make everything an action item anyway, but then I'd better not hear any complaining when someone points out that progressives are just as capable of being annoying Butthead Buttinskis as fundamentalists are, and how that like shouldn't even be a valid comparison because fundamentalists are so wrong and progressives are so right so, you know, they aren't equal. To which I say "I think you are mostly right about that, but when you behave in a manner completely indistinguishable from the people you think are so wrong, don't feign shock when the rest of us have difficulty telling you apart." And because I can't get enough of cliches lately, just insert something here about if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, etc.
Just personally, I don't care if you're making my business your business because you hate inequality, or because you hate fornication. Either way, you're in my business and you need to get out.
Damn, but I hate going to the mall. It just makes me so cranky.
UPDATE: Next time I need to solicit your advice more than five minutes before leaving for the mall because, unsurprisingly, it turned out you were all right, and there were very nearly NO skirts or dresses to be had. It's ALL pants suits these days. Did I bask in that knowledge? Did I celebrate it properly by buying pants? No, that would have been too easy. Instead, I dug out the one sweater/skirt combo I could find that didn't look completely ridiculous. Which is not to say it didn't look mostly ridiculous, because--well:
When I exited the dressing room, my boyfriend immediately commenced whistling "On the Good Ship Lollipop," because he's a dick. But he's an at least semi-accurate dick (points off for not realizing that "On the Good Ship Lollipop" is actually a song about airplanes), because the outfit does sort of give off that Julie McCoy vibe. And what's with that cutesy ribbon at the neckline? It doesn't actually untie anything. It's just there to look twee.
Oh, well. If worse comes to worst I can wear it to job interviews for Princess Cruises.