Friday, January 05, 2007

Wheeled Terrors

The Food Whore encounters a kid with wheels on his shoes in the grocery store (plus caters for some of the rudest people alive; read the whole thing).

You know, I just saw a kid with wheeled shoes myself a couple days ago, while I was out shopping. I had two thoughts:

"Whose idea was this? Whose batshit crazy idea WAS this?" and,

"How many times now do I have to look forward to some third-grader slamming into the back of me on her wheeled shoes?"

Bonus follow-up question:

How many times is the parent of the child who rams into me (and this will happen) going to react with (a) indifference; (b) anger at me for being in the kid's way in the first place; (c) a sermon to me about how if I only had children myself, I'd know how difficult it can be to keep an eye on 'em; or (d) some combination of a, b, and c?

Of course it's difficult to keep an eye on children! So I have an idea: Let's put WHEELS on their shoes and see if that makes the task any easier. That should totally work.

13 comments:

Betty Cracker said...

I have a wheeled third-grader, and if she rammed into you at the grocery store, she and I would both apologize profusely. But so far, she hasn't run down a soul.

ilyka said...

Excellent! That ought to help her get a discount on her car insurance in the future.

Oh, I kid. But seriously, when did this start, the wheels on the shoes? I want to swear I never saw them before Christmas, but maybe (or rather, probably) I'm just out of it.

I admit I'm kind of jealous, particularly as I know if they'd had those when I was little, my parents would have vetoed my getting them repeatedly. I am clumsy enough without wheels.

gennimcmahon said...

The wheels on shoes are everywhere, and, yes, the cossetted brat will likely get a pair for his birthday. I fear for my china cabinet and teacup collection, the fifty jillion containers of tiny, tiny, tiny little beads, the very old, cranky dogs with arthritis, the windows, etc.

However, should he, in any social setting, EVER run into anyone, they are perfectly justified in a careful turning round and shoving into the freezer case. Seriously, that could be a sport unto itself--the Redirecting Of Wheeled Children. I don't actually think I would allow him to wear them to the grocery store, because I'm mean like that, and because I would live in holy terror of him breaking some old lady's hip. Say, mine, for example.

Ron O said...

If I didn't have a little one to provide for (and had the money to burn) I would get a pair of those. They look so fun. But I'm going to be practical and get a nice pair of black lace-ups at DSW to replace the pair with a hole in the sole.

Rob said...

Equally comforting for those grocery store managers is the possibility of a teenager rolling through a freezer pane and slicing a limb from end to end and irate parents suing them over it. And we also have the mischievous types who might roll down the pickle and olive aisle knocking down and few dozen jars. Fun, fun...

belledame222 said...

i've been seeing that for a while now. i had been wondering if it weren't some kind of attempted compromise in order to avoid the dreaded Skateboard.

wolfa said...

I've seen them all over -- I was in a kid-filled area, and probably one in ten kids has those. I never ever saw anyone smashed into (due to the shoes, anyhow), and the place was incredibly crowded.

I, too, am very jealous.

ilyka said...

I never ever saw anyone smashed into (due to the shoes, anyhow), and the place was incredibly crowded.

The real burning question, though: What is the official Mothering Dot Commune position on wheelie shoes, and how does it affect breastfeeding your middle schooler?

Sniper said...

I've observed this a few times in our middle school in the last few years. In a richer district it would be more of a problem, I think. Mostly the kids who have wheeled shoes use them when they think they're alone and it hasn't been a huge problem - not compared to our other problems, anyway. Our hallways are all really long and sloped which kind of makes me covet a pair. I suppose it wouldn't look right. Sigh.

wolfa said...

You know that drive by nursing blinkie? Think how much faster it would be if your kid did that while on wheels.

Oh, and I've seen these shoes around for three or four years, but they got suddenly popular just this year.

Meryl Yourish said...

One of my current students has those shoes, and has listened to me tell her not to use them in the Hebrew school ever since she got them. Linoleum floors are so much more fun than sidewalks.

I just heard that a large number of children are being brought to the emergency room due to injuries caused by the wheeled shoes. They're not nearly as reliable as blades or skates, and kids don't wear helmest with them. It's a recipe for disaster.

ks said...

Well, I wouldn't let my kid wear them in the grocery store, that's for sure. And if he bumped someone on accident while someplace else, he'd be apologizing profusely and getting lectured about being careful. And if he ever, ever did it on purpose, it'd be on (and I'd win).

However, my oldest is not quite 5 and we don't have wheeled shoes. Although he does have rollerblades which he is not allowed to wear outside the driveway (and always with adult supervision, usually his dad).

gennimcmahon said...

And, just to be totally contradictory, the Cossetted Brat will NOT be getting Heelies after all. They cost NINETY DAMN DOLLARS. It's like paying the ER co-pay right up front.