1. Yes, he is really that size.
2. Yes, I know he is overweight.
3. Yes, I think his weight contributed to his development of diabetes two years ago.
4. Yes, I have tried your favorite brand of weight-management cat food.
5. No, it did not lead to any loss of weight. He just ate twice as much of it when I free-fed and howled at me all day long when I tried scheduling and portioning his meals.
6. No, I have not tried BARF.
7. Because it's a little out of my price range, ya fuckin' yuppie.
8. He's like 13 years old, you know. Get off his chubby senior citizen ass already.
9. No, we don't use the loveseat a whole lot at my house.
10. Yes, people who do pet-owner drivebys DO suck.