Sunday, January 28, 2007

This is Me, Flecking You with Much Spittle

Oh Darleen, Darleen, listen: If you've got to lump me in with the moonbats (and how'm I supposed to attend a war protest, huh, when I never leave the fuckin' house? This agoraphobia really cuts into my activism), could you at least not punt to something I wrote to do it?

Their opprobrium is not for America's enemies, but for its own citizens. From the unseemliness of Jane Fonda, recipient of such opportunities that only this country has had to offer her to the spittle-flecked rants of others who just want to be accepted by the in-crowd du jour, one is confronted with people who substitute feelings for thought.

Their feeling is America is not perfect so it must be remade into their image of what it should be. Their image is flawless and anything less than that image is an afront to them and so are the people who support such a flawed creation. It is a strange kind of absolutism that would not be accepted in any other situation.

Consider, what would you think of a husband who constantly, and publicly, criticized, belittled, humiliated and embarrassed his wife? What if he actually seems to get a kick out of his behavior and rarely says anything good about her? Would you accept as sincere his protest that he really does love his wife, he only points out her flaws because he wants her to improve?

Yeah, where have I read that critical-husband/flawed-wife analogy before? Permit me the brief conceit of stating how much better I liked it when I wrote it.

Thank heavens I'm not the sort of thin-skinned super-serious blogger who starts talking shit about libel and lawsuits, because what a mess that would be for everybody, huh? But, see, actually, I don't have opprobrium (which I admit I just had to look up) for America's citizens en bloc. I sure as hell have my hate on for some of 'em, but it's demonstrably false that I hate me some America--though, out of respect for my Canadian readers (the dirty hippie socialist peaceniks!), I do prefer to refer to my country as "The United States" rather than "America." It just seems more inclusive, seeing as how America is a continent and all, and the United States is not the only country occupying it.

Glory! I've become such a fucking moonbat!

Darleen says expecting the United States to improve is "a strange kind of absolutism that would not be accepted in any other situation." And I suppose it is, when that's all a person ever has to offer, when it's just "AmeriKKKa sux" over and over again. Youthful Rage Against the Machine fans I have known spring to mind here. But that's not what I do on this blog, and what makes Darleen a lying sack of shit here is that she knows it.

Let me tell you what else is "a strange kind of absolutism that would not be accepted in any other situation:" Expecting that American citizens should just lie back and take it when you imply they don't love their country, just because they're sometimes angered by actions their government, their representative government, takes in their names, on their behalf. Who really hates U.S. citizens: The person who disapproves of the Bush administration, or the person who opposes everyone who disapproves of the Bush administration? Because that's a long list of your fellow citizens to hate ya got there, Darleen. Hope you're an early riser.

No, seriously: You want a spittle-flecked rant? Then how 'bout you take that conflation you made between me and terrorist sympathizers and you shove it up your fat ass, you ignorant cow. There. There's your spittle. Listen, it ain't me spending my weekend nights quaffing scotch and rallying my girlfriends to go--oh, what was that phrase you always used to say, Beth?--Right: "Take a dump all over this moonbat's comments." No, that's the province of your merry band of dipshits, and how welcome to it they are. I despise people who can't act as individuals, you know. I despise people who can't act without the support of a mob behind them. I despise fucking cowards. But there, that's how wars are won, isn't it? By ganging up to shit all over your fellow citizens. Absolutism, indeed.

Which brings me to this classic case of projection that Beth started and Darleen, in her post, is only too happy to continue: That my opinions have changed because I'm trying to fit in with all my new leftist buddies. Check it: Beth, the former cheerleader, says this to me, the former almost-dropout/reform-school student. The mind boggles at how the fuck that works, because believe me, my ass didn't land in reform school from wanting to fit in with the "in crowd du jour," most of whom were doing crazy shit like actually attending their classes; but I think it might start when you overlook that my closest online friends have been reading me from very nearly Day One and they're still here--unlike Beth, who just wanted someone to say all the shit to conservative male bloggers that she and the rest of her crew only had the spines to say to each other in email. "Hey, we're being treated like pieces of meat; what should we do? I know: Let's recruit Ilyka! She's crazy. She'll say anything! And then we can bust in when she goes too far and make a show of reining her in, so that we keep our good standing with Teh Menz. It'll be all Good Cop/Bad Cop! It can't fail. Plus, this way one or two of us can still guest-blog occasionally for John Hawkins. I know he writes all that mean stuff about women, but he's always been a perfect gentleman to me."

See, I'm thinking it might be best if y'all just found some other blog to read, one that doesn't stir your bowels to frenzied movement. I don't keep this up for you to take dumps on. I don't keep this up for you to cluck your forked tongues over. I don't keep this up for anyone but me, and right now this is me, completely washing my hands of all of you--and of all this spittle.


Meryl Yourish said...

Ew, no, we can't be friends anymore.

You got some spittle on me.


ilyka said...

What? It's not like I got hair in the soap!

Helen said...

Hi, um, I'm just here for the cocoa? I heard there's cocoa?

ilyka said...

We are totally having cocoa! But you have to bring the stinky cheese. I really think we have all earned us some stinky cheese.

Sheelzebub said...

I'll take my cocoa with a shot of whiskey, thanks. ;)

Meryl said...

Christ, you don't forget anything, do you?