I know what all you black readers think.
"Man why you got to say that? Why you got to say that? It isn't us, it's the media. The media has distorted our image to make us look bad. Why must you come down on us like that, brother? It's not us, it's the media."
Please cut the shit. When I go to the money machine at night, I'm not looking over my shoulder for the media.
I'm looking for [redacted].
Ted Koppel never took anything from me. [Redacted] have. Do you think I've got three guns in my house because the media's outside my door trying to bust in?
"Oh shit. It's Mike Wallace. Run!"
And here's the very next thing Rock says after it. The only text in-between the excerpt above and the excerpt I'm about to transcribe below is a subheading which reads, "Mommy? Can I say '[redacted]?'"
That oughtta be your first clue as to what the answer's going to be, but some of you are a little slow, so let's not skip anything:
I just said "[redacted]" a whole lot. You probably think I shouldn't use the N-word, but that rule is just for white folks. Any black person can say "[redacted]" and get away with it. It's true. It's like calling your kid an idiot. Only you can call your kid that. Someone else calls your kid an idiot, there's a fight.
Yet some white people still wonder why black people can say "[redacted]" and they can't. Believe it or not, it's a very common question. I hear it all the time.
WHITE PERSON: Chris, can I say "[redacted]?"
ME: Why would you even want to?
WHITE PERSON: I don't mean anything bad by it. I've traveled the world. I got a yacht. I fucked Raquel Welch. Now, if I could just say "[redacted]," everything would be complete.
ME: No. After I smack you upside the head everything will be complete.
So, white people? If we could all never again justify using that word because a black comedian said it that one time, literally only that one time, years ago, in a routine he'll never perform again because guess why--
This controversial routine on HBO's "Bring The Pain," made Rock a star back in 1996: "There’s, like, a civil war going on with black people, and there’s two sides. There’s black people, and there’s n------. And n------ have to go."
Why does he think it got so much attention?
"I think a lot of people were thinking in those terms and hadn’t been able to say it. By the way, I’ve never done that joke again, ever, and I probably never will," says Rock. "‘Cause some people that were racist thought they had license to say n-----. So, I’m done with that routine."
--then, everything will be complete.
(Honestly, this has been one of those days when I feel like I'm stuck in this movie. Next thing you know people are going to be putting sports drinks on the crops and wondering why they won't grow.)