Saturday, October 21, 2006

That's Not Bruschetta!

Just a fluff post piggybacking off this thread at Trainwrecks.net, in which the reader is introduced to a LiveJournaler with strong and passionate opinions about the true nature of bruschetta. Because people, even and especially me, have been a bit prickly about things lately, let me issue the disclaimers right now:

1. I am not belittling the real suffering of people afflicted with multiple sclerosis.
2. I am not belittling vegetarians or vegans.
3. I'm for sure not belittling transsexuals.
4. Or authentic bruschetta, for that matter.

That said--whoa. If I ever get so riled about the authenticity of what I eat and post about it here, feel free to mock me with all you've got. I can get pretty pissy about culinary authenticity (ask me whether this restaurant isn't a complete house of lies--go on, ask me!), but there's a time to rein in the food snobbery, and sometimes that time is called "dinner."

16 comments:

Mark S. said...

Best comment on that thread:

White people! Y'all are losing your minds!

So true.

wolfa said...

They're wrong about what makes a true chocolate cake too.

Someone had seizures about an inauthentic (but tasty sounding) bruschetta recipe on livejournal?

ilyka said...

Someone had seizures about an inauthentic (but tasty sounding) bruschetta recipe on livejournal?

Like that could ever happen on LiveJournal, right?

You know, I was afraid even to mention the seizure thing, because I would hate to imply that I think seizures are something to LOL at. But the seizing poster's implied causality between posts by the ignorant, inauthentic bruschetta-consuming LiveJournal community, and the seizures, well, c'mon now, that's fair game.

And, damnit, I would love to transcribe the next neurologist's visit:

"So, how've you been? When did I last see you, August? Doing all right since then?"

"Well, doc, I WAS, but then these MORONS started defiling bruschetta recipes . . . ."

I admit it, I would love to transcribe that one.

wolfa said...

Whatever. One of my close friends has epilepsy, my cousin used to have seizures (and walked around in a helmet for months), a friend of the family had seizures after a plane crash, until he died. I am not mocking seizures. And seizures can be brought on by stress (or by poor sleeping, which can be caused by stress). I will accept that personal attacks online can cause that much stress.

However.

An inauthentic bruschetta recipe, along with the normal use of the word "mafia" to mean "obsessive people who jump on you if you disagree ith them" are not that much stress.

But perhaps the "dykes of all ages" did him in. Or -- just possibly -- the seizure thing is totally made up, along with the "Italian chef for 30 years" thing.

ilyka said...

the seizure thing is totally made up, along with the "Italian chef for 30 years" thing.

You're not alone wondering that. What I really love is after he wails against the evil ethnic stereotyping, he turns right around and lashes out at another poster for "eating haggis."

I sort of want to throw half the posters on that thread aboard It's a Small World until they agree to stop hating each other and start hating Disney, like the rest of us.

ilyka said...

Uh, that should either be "rails against" or "wails about," depending, but it sure was cute of my mind to marry them like that. Geez.

gennimcmahon said...

I can't take that sort of thing seirously at all, I mean, it's not like they're talking about making enchiladas with Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup! THAT'S seizure worthy. Just thinking about it makes me feel a bit faint, actually. I better lie down with a bottle of scotch. Purely medicinal, you understand....

ilyka said...

I mean, it's not like they're talking about making enchiladas with Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup! THAT'S seizure worthy. Just thinking about it makes me feel a bit faint, actually.

Oh, word. Suggested home remedy: Repeat softly under your breath, "Red or green? Red or green?" until blood pressure normalizes and you no longer want to throw up.

Cream of mushroom is good for green bean casserole, which isn't very good itself, or tuna noodle casserole, which is horrid. It belongs nowhere near corn tortillas.

ilyka said...

[braces for inevitable howls of outrage from tuna noodle casserole fans, augmented by a contingent of "no, you use cream of CELERY in tuna noodle casserole, dipshit," protestors.]

wolfa said...

Uh. Can you delete the message that uses my Real Name (tm)? I don't know why google decided to change logins.

wolfa said...

Comment, reposted:

Have I mentioned I also do not believe he's Italian, except maybe in the "one great-grandparent emigrated from Italy" sense?

I've never eaten haggis. Call me closed minded, but I think you can insult anyone who feels that haggis is an appropriate thing to eat (which is an entirely distinct set from people with Scottish ancestry). See also: gefilte fish and poutine, which some of my close friends actually *choose* to eat.

But I like Disney! I've been oppressed! I've had vague and unspecified medical complaints due to you!

ilyka said...

Deleted. I'm going to put that down to the Blogger Beta, which I've been using for the last month or so, but gee, how nice to know I have a blog that now sporadically outs people all on its own. That's not a level of functionality I asked for here, Blogger.

Auguste said...

I like good food but I goddamn do not understand foodies.

Pancetta Bruschetta said...

SHUT UP AUGUST I am turning of email now becaz YOU MADE MY TONGUE FALL OUT MY HEAD and I will SUE u DAMM FRENCH why dont U JUST SURRENDER ok PEACE

FUK THA BAGUETTE!!!

JD said...

Via the Trainwrecks thread, I found this mommyblogger that you might actually like (Disclaimer: I am basing this judgement on one post.)

"Last weekend we went to Ikea, because we hate ourselves and like to ruin our weekends. We put Henry in the playroom, where he romped and hid in giant shoes (there are giant shoes) and apparently he watched a movie in which a cook whipped a little girl."

That is SO TOTALLY my kinda writing, especially "where he romped and hid in giant shoes (there are giant shoes)".

Anyway, that's usually what happens when I look at Trainwrecks. The people they're making fun of, I like . . . .

margi said...

Wow. Someone needs to back away from the espresso machine.

So it's an Eye-talian grilled cheese sandwich. No need to go all postal about it. Sheezsh.

(I understand that I should put a disclaimer about Postal Service employees here. Consider it done.)

HOWTHEHELLAREYA!? Boy! Have I missed reading your blog! *insert hearty handshake here*

xoxo