Friday, October 20, 2006

Q and A with Fartles

Q: Fartles, will you read my blog?

A: Fartles will read your blog if it is written with appropriate gravitas and designed in sober, traditional colors. Be advised that Fartles is partial neither to blinking text, nor to bright backgrounds, nor to weather pixies.

Q: Will you read my blog even if I disagree with you about whether outing is ever the right course of action?

A: No. Outing is never the right course of action.

Q: But--

A: No.

Q: But then maybe you should read my blog just to keep an eye on me? To see if I'm scratching that outing itch I have?

A: Fartles may indeed do that, but only because Fartles knows about proxy servers.

Q: What are proxy servers?

A: It is not the business of Fartles to educate you about proxy servers, but you may avail yourself of the definitions here. Fartles particularly recommends the one on this page (scroll down) and this one.

Q: What does knowing about proxy servers enable you to do?

A: It enables me to conceal my internet protocol address.

Q: Huh?

A: Please address Fartles with dignity.

Q: I mean, why would you want to do that, Fartles?

A: Fartles would want to do that if, for example, Fartles desired to visit a blog whose proprietor were deemed by Fartles to have questionable ethics with regards to outing. (Not that I can be outed myself, of course, as I take the courageous stance of using my real name in all internet discourse in which I engage.) But, ah, theoretically, Fartles might desire anonymity in Fartles' web-surfing.

Q: How does this relate to your IP address?

A: See here, and also.

Q: Yikes.

A: Yes.

Q: So people can find out things about you using your IP address?

A: Very possibly, yes.

Q: Okay. How do I use a proxy server?

A: First, you must find one that is free. Begin here just for practice.

Q: Anonymouse! Isn't that the cutest name?

A: Fartles considers your silliness an affront to Fartles' world-famous dignity.

Q: Sorry. Now what should I do?

A: First click here.

Q: It says my IP is this and I'm surfing in from that.

A: Yes, it is indeed like this and like that. Now click here.

Q: Why does it say something completely different?

A: Because now you're being routed through an proxy server to the CGI script that reveals your IP address, instead of connecting to that CGI script directly.

Q: Ohhhhhhhh!

A: Yes.

Q: It's like a condom for my IP address!

A: Fartles would prefer a different simile, frankly, but admits you are not far off with this one.

Q: Geez, why didn't Glenn Greenwald do this?

A: Forgive him, for he is a lawyer, and lawyers are not often well-versed in the ways of the internet. One assumes he has since been brought up to speed, as it were.

Q: Are there other free proxy servers available on the internet?

A: Oh my stars and garters, yes.

Q: What if I want to use a proxy server like, a lot? I don't want to go to all the time. Besides, it looks as though they are trying to give me adware.

A: Fartles heartily recommends Tor, and a net-savvy friend (who is either NOT FARTLES, or is a Fartles who has first been bribed with expensive single malt) to help you set it up. Fartles finds it works best with Firefox.

Q: Is it good practice to surf the net from my work connection, Fartles?

A: No, it is extremely foolish practice to do so; however, Fartles understands the temptation, for it is true that most jobs are not at all diverting to the intellect. Fartles therefore recommends that where possible, the bored employee make use of a free internet proxy server, bearing in mind that any company with a decent IT department will, of course, have prohibited access by employees to any known free internet proxy servers.

Q: But Fartles, that isn't fair!

A: That was not a question, but actually, yes, it is. It is not your internet connection and you are not paying the bills. Your company is.

Q: So I should get back to work then?

A: Sadly, Fartles thinks that might be best, even though a mass return to work activities by employees the world over would have a most deleterious effect upon Fartles' weekday traffic.

Q: What is your traffic like, Fartles?

A: Fartles bids you good day.


Chris Clarke said...

Q: Does Fartles realize that referring to himself in the third person is just like soooo GOP 1996?

Fartles von Biscuitbrain said...

Forgive me. I am both terribly fond of my name (and the air of authenticity it lends me), and very against strict gender constructs which would require the use of such loathesome pronouns as "him," "her," etc.

Also, I enjoyed Norm Macdonald's Bob Dole impersonations very much, especially when Bob Dole was on The Real World.

gennimcmahon said...

Do you prefer the expensive single malt in question to be 12 year or 16 year, and does the palate dance a happy dance with "loamy" or "smooth"? Just in case I need a favor from my favorite Biscuitbottom. I mean, BiscuitBRAIN. Looky, I gotta user name, finally--but it's my very own name. I lack your spirited creativity and, apparently, the same budget for alcohol--which would surely lead to a name with much greater amusement value.

Chris Clarke said...

Q: Is it fair that genni stole my next question?

Q: Laphroaig or Lagavulin?

Auguste said...

Dude, I know you spend all your time reading Tolkien and going to conventions, but spare us your invented-language fluency demos, wouldja?

Helen said...

nor to weather pixies.

That's because no one likes weather pixies.

Thank God.

John said...

spend all your time reading Tolkien

HEYYY!! [cries, locks himself in room, reads Silmarillion and curses the cruel world]

JackGoff said...

And the blogger balrog got me again