Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I Want a Wife

This classic piece by Judy Syfers never gets old. In fact, in light of this:

The author of another study summarizes that “wives working longer hours not do not have adequate time to monitor their husband’s health and healthy behavior, to manage their husband’s emotional well-being or buffer his workplace stress.

--it's damned depressing how well it still fits:

I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue care for me and my when I need a rest and change of scene. I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

Who wouldn't want a wife?

9 comments:

Sage said...

It's not a wife we want, but a maid and personal secretary combo. The wife is the person someone's supposedly chose to love for life. Can we really love someone who serves us like a slave?

Makes me think of the Neil Young song, "A Man Needs a Maid," and that little ditty from "Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum": "Everybody Ought to Have a Maid" which is an outrageously sexist song involving the implied hope to have sex with a lovely young thing after she sweeps up the place, but I loved the film as a child.

I'd give anything for someone to please just cook dinner every night! sigh

Moebius Stripper said...

Oh, god, I did I ever tell you about the time the button on my brother's fly fell off, and he tried to sew it back on? Except that he didn't remove either his shirt, or his pants, before he did this, and he ended up connecting button, pants, and shirt together with a big mess of thread? And how the sum total of his reflections on this matter was the comment, "I need a wife"?

Somehow I doubt that there are a whole lot of women out there saying, "I need a husband who can't sew his own damned buttons to his pants."

Auguste said...

Careful. Illkka will come along and lecture you about how if you only applied yourself in school and work, you'd be able to afford a wife, and if you weren't such a goddamn socialist you wouldn't have to covet our wives.

Or something.

Chris Clarke said...

Becky often says she wants a wife.

But then when I run to set up the video camera, somehow I'm the bad guy.

Helen said...

I'd give anything for someone to please just cook dinner every night! sigh

Yes. And if you can make him someone that doesn't require blow jobs for doing so, then you'll have a product legions of women are ready to buy.

And the dude who describes his ideal wife? Yeah. He doesn't want a wife.

He wants his mother.

Put DOWN that umbilical cord NOW!

Rob said...

Shouldn't there be something in there about the wife having a flat head and removable dentures? If you don't know that joke ... never mind.

ilyka said...

An old Creem magazine I had used to attribute that joke's origin to Ted Nugent. Dunno if that's accurate or not; Google didn't turn up anything for me just now, but as I recall it, it went something like, "My ideal wife is 4 foot 1, with no teeth, and a head flat enough to set a beer on."

When I first read that one I was 15 or so and still puzzling out what Roger Daltrey meant when he said his "missus understands I like a Y-bone steak once in a while." (I kept wondering if it was a typo for T-bone, I'm that stupid.)

But hell, even I could figure out what Nugent meant. And, yeah, I laughed at it. It's an easy joke to reverse, for one.

Rob said...

The other one you mention is said in our circles as "eating at the Y".

Dean Esmay said...

Hey you. Please feel free to delete this comment. I know you and I are still at crossed-swords about some things, but that's okay. I've tried sending you emails but nothing I have works anymore, and your new blog has no email addy that I can find (although I'm maybe to addled to find it).

Anyway, that book that you gave me some early comments on--which were helpful? It's going to press in a few days. And you're entitled to a free copy of the final results if you want. If you don't want, that's fine too, but if you want it you can also have a blurb in the acknowledgements.

Up to you. Send me an email at dean dot esmay using my gmail address. If you don't care that's fine too.

Still love ya, though you're still ALWAYS wrong about EVERYTHING! <*grin*>