Saturday, July 22, 2006

Emily

Because I don't read FARK.com--I used to, but at some point I got over it--I am apparently the last person on the internet to find out about ThatGirlEmily. Thanks to Buck at Exile in Portales for tipping me off.

"Emily" is, in all likelihood, a viral marketing campaign, but as Buck says--

OK…it’s a scam “viral marketing campaign”, but it’s a damned good one! (By way of explanation…I followed Morgan’s first link, read the entire “Emily” blog, wrote the narrative above, went back to Morgan’s place and followed the second link, whereupon I realized I’d been HAD. But…the blog is cleverly written, you should go. And it’s indeed a cautionary tale for would-be philanderers.)

The premise, for those of you who don't read FARK either: Emily's a pampered yuppie wife living in the suburbs of New Jersey; the only remarkable thing about her is the way her friends, her sister, even her brother, keep asking her whether things with her husband are really okay. Finally, Emily's brother insists she go to a meeting with a private investigator he has hired for her, and it's there Emily learns the awful truth: Husband Steven has been cheating on her with her best friend, Laura.

From there things get wicked delicious:

In the last few days, I’ve done a lot of thinking. I’ve done some number crunching. I’ve done some brainstorming. I’ve made some phone calls. I’ve thought about what the rest of my life will entail. And the rest of my life starts tomorrow. Tomorrow, the world will bear witness to a woman scorned. After tomorrow, husbands all over the country will think twice before inviting their divorcee secretaries out for a mojito. They’ll check themselves before they wander into online singles chat rooms. After tomorrow, husbands will be rubbing one out in the shower, instead of signing the room check for their mistress at the Plaza. Steven and Laura have been doing a lot of fucking lately. Now, it’s my turn.

You knew I wasn't gonna just yak about a viral marketing campaign, though, right? I'm more horrified by what I'm reading on the FARK thread. In fact, the FARK thread is reminding me: "Oh, yeah--this is why I quit reading that tired-ass site." It's fun things like:

Someone needs to sit her down and tell her she's making a fool of herself.

As opposed to the guy who thought it'd be a swell idea to fuck his wife's best friend, right?

I feel sorry for her. Not because her hubby cheated on her but because she is so self-absorbed that she seems to think that publicising the cheating will give her pleasure or some sense of satisfaction.

I hate to break it to this fella, but you know what? Delivering well-deserved comeuppance feels AWESOME. That's why people do it.

This girl is nuttier than a squirrel's scrotum. I bet she bangs like a barn door in a storm though. Especially if you drop in a line about her sister joining us for a threesome halfway through.

I agree. It's totally crazy to hate it when someone cheats on you.

Oh well. It's almost certainly a fake anyhow. Kinda too bad. If I were ever forced to hang out with the sort of spoilt rich wife who plots acts of petty revenge against her Pilates classmates, I'd want her to be at least a little like Emily.

3 comments:

Buck Pennington said...

Thanks for the link, Ilyka. I was so disappointed to find the blog was a fake. I love revenge stories, especially those that are highly creative, as this one seemed to be.

Living vicariously, of course...

;-)

mkfreeberg said...

Guys cheat, women cheat, they get caught, or not, and if they get caught then the cuckolded one launches a scheme of revenge. Or not. Life in the ecosystem. That this is a fake, proves nothing, except that perhaps one's time is best spent paying attention to something else.

In my case, I'm going to make a point of coming back here when/if time permits. Your blog seems to have more meaty subjects upon which to chew, than most, although I don't agree with all of it. Well done.

Helen said...

I dunno-I read the site and the post about her ripping the precious childhood teddy bear and sending it piecemeal? Yeah. Um I went: Dude. If only I'd thought about that one.

What kind of bitch does that make me?

Might be fake but seriously revenge? Sometimes entertaining.